The Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome

Is The Grass Really Always Greener On The Other Side Of The Fence?

I don’t spend a lot of time listening to self-help gurus, but I recently heard something that I really feel that I need to pass on. It was about how setting realistic expectations leads to more fulfilling relationships. We all have our flaws and our shortcomings, but if we can focus on the positive qualities of our love interest instead of dwelling on every little negative, we’ll be happier and more successful in our love lives.

We’ve probably all wished that our partners were richer or looked more like a movie star. Maybe we wish that they’d lose 5 pounds, that they’d be more active or that we’d never exit the honeymoon stage of our relationships. People can change, but you shouldn’t go into a relationship expecting to change someone. People should be taken as they come, because that’s most likely how they’ll stay.

Some of us, however, have the feeling that the grass is always greener on the other side and are constantly looking to improve their circumstances. They’re always ready to jump ship for what seems like a better relationship and of course, they almost always find that it’s not better, just different.

It’s up to us to know what we really want and need out of a relationship and just as importantly, to know if these expectations are realistic. As you make this decision, consider the person you’re with and how long you’ve been together. The following are just a sampling of common unrealistic expectations people have and how they can wreck an otherwise successful relationship.

1. Expecting him to never so much as look at another woman.

Let’s be real here. We all look and we all like to look. Just because your man thinks the woman at the grocery store is attractive, that doesn’t mean anything. There’s no harm in taking a glance at a beautiful woman – and besides, he’s with you, not her, right?

2. Expecting him to spend every moment with you.

We should all have our own interests, hobbies and friendships. A night out with friends or time spent engaged in hobbies doesn’t mean they don’t love you – don’t you expect to have some me time to spend by yourself or with your friends? Give your partner the same courtesy and understanding.

3. Thinking our significant others can read our minds.

They can’t. Tell them what’s on your mind, then let it go.

4. Expecting him to remember every important date in your relationship.

No one is going to remember every single occasion. If there’s something important coming up that you want him to remember, drop him a hint or let a close friend of his know so it’s on his radar.

5. Expecting relationships to be easy.

Some relationships are easier than others, but they all take work. Whatever it take to get your partner, it also takes to keep them.

6. Expecting that nothing will ever change.

Maybe he used to bring you flowers, now he just brings you a cup of coffee now and then. That’s OK, nothing remains exactly the same forever. As long as his love for you and kindness for you is still there, you’ll be OK together.

7. Expecting to always agree.

Everyone has their opinions and values and they’re not always going to align perfectly with yours, no matter how compatible the two of you might be. Opposites sometimes attract, so even when you disagree, you can do so respectfully and even come to a compromise – or at least agree to disagree.