Perhaps I wouldn’t qualify to be a member of MENSA, but if it’s something to do with relationships, that’s a different story. You can take it from me therefore, that if you want to stays in your man’s good-books - you need to get his mother onside.
It stands to reason
Your man’s mum was the first female to mean anything to him. She was the one he ran to when he was hurt or afraid. He could confide his dream and ambitions in her. She was the one he could go to for advice. What mum says is gospel.
Yes, it can be difficult having to accept another woman in your man’s life - even when that woman is his mother. But on the other hand, no one will know him better than his mother, and if you want to know how to press the right buttons, his mother is the person to ask. When the going gets tough between you and your man, his mother can be a real help.
What is all boils down to is that if you want to figure in your man’s life, getting his mother to like, respect and support you is key. Okay, if your man is one of the few who doesn’t get on with his mother, all this won’t apply. But if like most men, he treasures his mother, having her support and backing can cement your relationship with him for good.
They say that food is the way to a man’s heart. However, there are more ways to skin a cat. Making a friend out of his mother will increase his affection for you.
A Dr. Phil show was recently aired on this very topic. The centerpiece was a guy who was distraught because of conflict between his wife and his mum. The conflict was so bad that it not only affected the guy in question, but his whole family too. It was one of those long, ongoing feuds. It even got so bad that the police had to be involved.
There can be no winners in a situation like this – only losers. Coming between the mum's and the son's love and affection for each other can eventually destroy your relationship. It can all too easily avoided and here are 12 top tips to go about it.
Top tip No 1 – First impressions count.
First impressions last. When you are introduced to his mother for first time you need to make it count. Avoid criticizing her son or passing comments of judgments on family affairs. You need to be friendly, open, and approachable. Don’t give her any opportunity to dislike anything about you, but give her plenty of opportunity to like everything about you.
Top tip No 2 – Explore common ground
Common ground or common interests are a great way of empathizing. Remember that you both have one great thing in common – your man/her son. His best interests are something you should both promote. It will make you and mum appreciate each other
Top tip No 3 – You don’t have to be bosom buddies
Just getting along with his mother is good. It’s not essential you love her too. All you want is a mutual feeling that you like each other and that you can get on. Remember the end game. It’s all about cementing your relationship with your man. Even if it’s a hard game to play, the end result is worth the effort, and who knows? – You might genuinely like her, or come to like her.
Top tip No 4 - Acknowledge the role she’s played
If you love your man and the way he is; a lot of that will be down to the way that his mother has brought him up. Give credit where credit is due.
Top tip No 5 - Don’t try to be someone you are not
Mums are wily old foxes. If you try to be someone you’re not, it will shine through – at least to his mother. Just be yourself.
Top tip No 6 – Butter her up
A little praise goes a long way. If you notice something praise-worthy you can comment on, you should do so. Maybe she has a good figure for her age. Perhaps she’s a snappy dresser? Maybe she’s a great cook. We all like a little praise, but don’t overdo it. That could be seen like trying to worm your way in. Be subtle.
Top tip No 7 – Dot let your tongue run away with you
You’ll need to tell her a little about yourself, what you do, what you like etc. Just remember those first impressions though. Say the wrong thing and it could blot your copybook forever. Think about what you say before you say it.
Top tip No 8 – Have a laugh
No, I don’t mean standing there giggling at everything being said. Smiling, appearing happy and having fun will endear you to all.
Top tip No 9 – Invite her opinion
Just because you ask for her opinion doesn’t mean you have to accept it. However, the act of asking is in itself important. It will help her to feel involved, and in a small way, that’s good.
Top tip No 10 – Show respect
Showing respect is a real crowd pleaser. We all like to feel respected, and his mother is no exception. Show her respect and you’ll go up in her estimation.
Top tip No 11 – A little gift goes a long way
We all like gifts, and a small but thoughtful gift will get you off on the right foot, just as long as it’s not a set of scales!
Top tip No 12 – It’s not a competition
You and his mother are not competitors. You hold different positions and roles in his heart. There’s room for both.
None of this is rocket science. With a little application is can be achieved. It can make or break your relationship, so proceed with care.