It’s happened to almost everyone. We get dumped, often without a real explanation of why or any opportunity to get closure on the relationship. Without getting the answers we need, we ask ourselves are we good enough? Pretty enough? Thin enough?
A lot of us end up bitter, wary and afraid to trust the next guy that comes along. Unfortunately, this makes it even harder to find Mr. Right and the way to happiness becomes a minefield of disappointments.
One thing that everyone reading this should keep in mind is that men and women don’t necessarily (and often don’t) think about relationships in the same way. In order to get a better idea of how men think, I talked to several men who have dropped seemingly good relationships for reasons which range from perfectly understandable to downright baffling. Here’s what I learned:
Frank, journalist, 43
"She was getting a little too close too soon and it made me feel like she was pressuring me to settle down and say goodbye to my freedom. I’ll admit it scared me and I stopped calling her.”
Mark, salesman, 37
"It just wasn’t the right time for me. I was on the rebound from a relationship and she was wonderful – she was gentle with me and treated me really well. However, I realized that I wasn’t over my ex yet and when the chance to get back together came along, I took it.”
Larry, musician, 29
“We had irreconcilable religious differences. I’m not terribly observant and her faith was everything to her – so much so that I felt like a third wheel.”
Lamar, teacher, 52
"She was constantly trying to be overly affectionate in public and I just wasn’t comfortable with it.”
Kevin, artist, 34
"I like variety. I couldn’t see myself being in a serious, committed relationship at this point in my life.”
Lonny, finance, 28
"I just woke up one day and knew that it was time to move on.”
Breaking up is never easy, especially when it’s a surprise or the reasons don’t make sense to you. The important thing is to hold your head high and move on with your life, no matter what.
The book “Smart Women, Foolish Choices“ tells us that we shouldn’t let men decide how we feel about ourselves. That’s our own power which we shouldn’t give up – but it’s something that happens all too often and leads to countless women walking around with crushed senses of self-esteem. If you want to take back your own power and set your own course in life, here’s what you need to do:
1. Love Yourself First: It’s not a cliché so much as it’s a truism. When you have self-esteem, you can handle the harshness that can come your way in life and love. If you love yourself, it’s easier for other people to see your value and love you too.
2. Revenge Isn’t Worth It: It may feel good in the moment to slash his tires or throw out all of his stuff at your place, but you’ll end up feeling worse. You’ll lose your dignity, give up your power and lose your inner peace. Be an adult, you’ll feel better for it.
3. It Really Might Be Him, Not You: What do you know about his romantic history? If you’re dating someone in his 50s who’s never married, it’s likely that he fears commitment.
4. Have a Selective Memory: Just remember the good times and try to put the bad out of your mind.
5. Time Heals All Wounds: Healing is a process and you should give yourself the time you need to get over the breakup and move on.
6. Seek Support: This is a time when you should reconnect with your friends, especially the really positive people among them. Listen to them and keep their advice in mind for when you’re ready to get back out there and meet someone new.
7. Keep Busy: Don’t sit around moping, get back to your hobbies, do some traveling, catch up on reading or try something new!
8. Don’t Blame Yourself: Do you best to see your situation in a positive way. Don’t beat yourself up over what happened and remember that it could definitely be worse. With time comes perspective and soon, you may even be able to see some humor in your situation.
9. Learn From Your Experience: In every breakup there’s a lesson to be learned. For instance, I’ve learned to never settle for less, not to expect the moon from every new relationship and most importantly, don’t get involved with anyone who doesn’t value me for myself.
10. Take Comfort In Your Faith Or Spirituality
11. The Best Revenge Is Living Well
12. Keep Your Chin Up And Take Care Of Yourself: You should do this for yourself and of course, you never know where, when or how you’ll meet Mr. Right!