Dating Your Ex

You are finally alone again. You’re ready to date and find someone new. So, why is your ex back in your life. That’s a strange development. Most importantly, this person is not a recent ex.

Now, don’t think that you’re doing something stupid or that you have a mental problem. Dating new people can be quite frustrating, and exes have a way of finding their way to your heart, eventually. You try to get them out of your mind, but it’s hard to do. Rekindling an old romance is not a new thing, and it is very common for people to do so. Many times, love the second time around is just as good or even better than the first.

Just date and see where it takes you, but keep some of the following things in mind:

1.Make sure there is distance between the old and new relationships. Some couples keep breaking up and getting back together again, and this may be your situation. However, there are some people who actually get a rush out of breaking up and getting back together. They like the drama that it brings. If you don’t consider yourself to be a drama queen, then take enough time from one another to think. Try getting your ex to do the same thing. Determine if this is the route that both of you want to take.

2. Talk about why the relationship failed. There may be unresolved issues that need to be discussed. Don’t let them derail your current relationship. Learn how to get rid of old baggage and hurt feelings. This will not only give closure, but also give the new relationship a better chance of survival. For instance, you may have had a pet peeve about the other person, but never told them. Was that really fair? Now is the time to resolve this issue.

3. Start from scratch. Learn how to fall in love again with your ex. Go on dates, have long talks, plan romantic weekends and get to know your ex again. Although you and your ex may be comfortable doing the things that you used to do together, do new things together too.

4.Change is good if it is in your favor. Deal with the changes in your partner. If a lot of time has gone by, you have probably made changes in your life. Your ex has most likely done the same thing. Keep in mind that neither of you are the same people anymore. You might find it easier to fall in love with this new and hopefully, improved person.

There may be improvements that make the relationship better the second time around. Possibly a new job or new lifestyle change makes a difference. Maybe your ex doesn’t drink anymore and get loud at family or work functions. Can you see yourself living with this person again? However, if you can see a radical change in your ex that you don’t like, don’t start the romance hoping that they will turn back into the same person. This will never work in the new relationship. Learn to love the new person that your ex has become.

Don’t be afraid to enjoy a new experience with your ex, but also be cautious as well. Consider the following before jumping into the new relationship:

1.Don’t do it just because you’re lonely and your ex feels like a comfortable fit. You know how they like their coffee. You know their morning schedule. You like the same restaurants.

You and your ex had a routine that made you feel comfortable. So, what’s wrong with getting back together with this person? Keep in mind that the relationship ended for a reason. Did this person make you happy, or are you rekindling the relationship because of your perceived comfort level? Do you hate dating and think that going back to this person will be easier than starting over with someone new? Why waste your time if you’re going to be unhappy again?

2. Think about why the relationship failed the first time around. Maybe you wanted to get married and he didn’t. Did he have problems handling money? Are you a go-getter, but he’s lazy? You work hard, and he lays on the couch all day. Think about why you are getting back into this relationship. Are there deal-breakers that you may have forgotten or overlooked during your trip back down memory lane? If these things haven’t been discussed and resolved, you’ll most likely experience them again.

3. Don’t automatically believe that this person has changed. Get proof. Although you cannot change a person, you don’t have to change the way that you feel or react to that person. Remember, you know this person, somewhat. Unless some radical changes were made, he’ll probably cheat on you this time around too.

4. Monitor any backsliding. Even if you get back together with your ex, make he doesn’t slip back into his old habits. This is especially if those things caused the first breakup. If you see him slipping, have a discussion before things get too bad to tolerate.

Remember, your goal is to find true love, even if this means leaving the familiar to embrace the unknown.

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