The Wait... How Long Should it Last?

Not long ago, my older brother finally got married – he’s 55, if you were wondering. You wouldn’t really call him a player, but he’s an independent minded guy who values his freedom. He’s traveled the world, had many successful, long term relationships and even has a child from a previous relationship. However, he wasn’t willing to tie the knot until he felt fully prepared for the challenge.

He’d been friends with his now-wife since they were in high school and they’d been living together for almost ten years (in many states they would be considered married anyway). None of that mattered to him. He wasn’t going to make it official until he knew that he was ready to make this transition in his life and was confident that the foundation of his relationship was in perfect shape.

Of course, this meant that his significant other was left waiting for a very long time for marriage. Honestly, I wouldn’t have waited that long for any man in the world, but she feels that she made the right choice. After all, the man who is now her husband has become a much smarter, wiser and more mature version of the man she knew all those years ago.

They own a home together now, they’re well established professionally and they have a lot of plans for their future. What I’m trying to say here is that the wait can be a long one, but sometimes it’s actually worth it. A lot of other times though, it’s not. I personally know several women who waited and waited for their man, only to see him settle down with someone else.

It’s different for everyone and whether you should wait depends on why you’re waiting and who you’re waiting for. In some cases, waiting could be the best move you could make. Of course, you have to have at least some idea of whether you’re making the right call. You definitely don’t want to rush someone into a commitment when they’re not ready for it. They’ll end up resenting you and you’ll both end up regretting it.

Now on the other hand, we have my cousin. She’s so impatient to settle down that she’s already on her third marriage at age 38! She’s emotionally immature, doesn’t have the best judgment and is constantly seeking validation. Her plan is to just keep getting married until it works out.

She doesn’t understand this yet, but she’s causing a lot of pain to herself and others, including all of the family members and friends whose lives are disrupted by divorce. There’s a better way to handle things. If you’re at the point where you’re not sure whether to wait or tell him it’s now or never, think about the following.

1. WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HIM- Deciding whether it makes sense to wait means understanding why he’s not ready to take the next step. Is he afraid of commitment? Is he waiting to achieve a professional goal? Was he previously married and now wary of getting into another marriage before he’s ready?

2. HOW DOES HE TREAT YOU? - Is he kind and considerate? If he’s not treating you well, it’s time to go. There’s no sense at all in sticking around to be treated like you don’t matter.

3. IS HE MARRIAGE MATERIAL? – Is he the kind of man that you really want to marry or are you just anxious to settle down with someone?

4. WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM MARRIAGE? – Are you in a hurry to start a family? Are you being pressured by family or friends to get married? Are you just looking for validation? Know why you feel the way you do before you take any kind of action.

Keep these ideas in mind and remember that like the saying says, good things come to those who wait – or at least, for those who are waiting for the right reasons!

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