Dating advice · Matchfinder archive
How To Break Up Graciously
Published · 3 min read
From the Matchfinder archive. References to site features and some advice may reflect an earlier version of the service. Read our current safety guidance.
10 Tips for Breaking Up the Right Way
It doesn’t matter if they’re ending things or you are, breaking up is never easy and no one feels good about it. However, sometimes it’s just the right thing to do and these 10 tips can help make it as easy as possible for everyone involved.
1. Don't delay it. When it’s time to end, it’s time. Dragging things out isn’t helping anyone, just end it now so you can both go on with your lives.
2. Be honest. Unless it’s the truth, don’t say “it’s not you, it’s me.” Being open with your soon-to-be ex can help you move on quicker and give them some information which will help them in the future.
3. Don't start seeing someone else before the breakup. This makes you look ethically challenged and gives your new love interest a very good reason to doubt you.
4. Don’t ask if you can stay friends. It may end up that you become friends again, but immediately after a breakup, you both need some space before you can even think about that.
5. Listen. Your partner will probably have something to say about the breakup and let them talk. They’ll be able to say what they need to say and will be more likely to give you the opportunity to explain why you want to end things. Put yourself in their shoes – you’d probably have some questions, wouldn’t you?
6. Don't break up in public. No matter how you feel about the other person, this is just a no-go. Don’t do this to anyone!
7. Write a letter. It’s best to break up face to face, but if you can’t do it, write it down, deliver it yourself and talk to your ex after they read it. Even if you don’t plan to deliver them a letter, putting things in writing can help you to gather your thoughts and explain clearly why you think the relationship should end.
8. Don't feel guilty. Leaving someone almost inevitably brings up some guilt. Don’t let it overtake you and definitely don’t let it lead you to stay – you’ll end up resenting your partner and make things even worse in the long run. Stick to your guns and get out once you’ve made the decision to go.
9. Don't pick a fight with them. There’s no point in yelling at one another right now, just say what you have to say and try not to be cruel about it.
10. How would you like to be dumped? No one likes being dumped, but if someone was leaving you, you’d want them to do it as nicely as possible – show the same consideration to your partner, even if you’re on your way out the door.